Morrissey returns to the brutality theme of "The Headmaster Ritual", but this time he's looking at the children's homes: 'It's not from my experience really. It was simply another recognition that the only channel of communication open to a lot of parents is violence.'

The song also contains another reference to Shelagh Delaney's A Taste Of Honey, namely Geoff's exclamation to Jo: 'You want taking in hand' (Act II:1).

Famously, the vocal at points breaks into bizarre animal noises as one of The Smiths' best ever basslines makes the band's most funky song. Acting as a showcase for Marr's increasingly professional songwriting talents, the live version of this song was brutally frenetic, with the singer often putting aside the lyrics to concentrate on making the most frightening sounds possible. This song was originally premiered live in December 1983 at London's Electric Ballroom. The song often lasted more than 15 minutes in its live incarnation, and Pete Burns once joined Morrissey on stage at the Royal Albert Hall for a duetted version.

The lyrics at the time of composition and during concerts had some digressions and changes before taking their definitive shape. Some of the verses that were cut include: 'A crack in the groin is what you get, because you never asked me', 'A crack on the head, a warp of your mind, I've always been such a decent lad!', 'I don't know what came over me today!', 'I am the man to keep you in place'. The version sung at the Electric Ballroom on December, 19 1983 included these lyrics after the first basic verses:

A crack on the head is what you get
A crack on the head is what you get
for never asking, never asking
A crack on the head that's what you get
because you never ask
And a crack in the groin is what you get
and more

A crack on the head is what you get
because you never ask me
A crack on the head is what you get
because you ask me anything
A crack on your head
A warp on your mind

I've always been such a decent lad
I've always been such a decent lad
I've always been such a decent lad
I don't know what came over me today
I've always been such a decent lad

A crack on the head is what you get
Why for asking
A crack on the head is what you get
Why for asking

Unruly boys
who will not grow up
must be taken in hand
Unruly girls
who will not settle down
they must be taken in hand
Unruly boys
who will not grow up
they must be taken in hand

I am the man, I am the man
I am the man, I am the man
I am the man to keep you in place
I am the man you need to keep you in place
Unruly boys, unruly girls
I'm your man
I am your man...

Morrissey torna sul tema della brutalità verso i ragazzi già affrontato in "The Headmaster Ritual", ma stavolta il luogo in cui avvengono le violenze non è la scuola ma la casa, la famiglia: 'Non proviene dalla mia esperienza personale veramente. E' stato semplicemente un altro riconoscimento del fatto che il solo canale di comunicazione aperto per un sacco di genitori è la violenza.'

La canzone contiene un altro riferimento al racconto A Taste Of Honey di Shelagh Delaney, vale a dire l'esclamazione di Geoff nei confronti di Jo: 'You want taking in hand' (Act II:1).

E' noto che la parte vocale in alcuni punti del brano si rompa in strani rumori animali, soprattutto nelle versioni live, che sono spesso frenetiche e in cui il cantante tralascia le parole per concentrarsi nel produrre i suoni più terrificanti. Il brano fu presentato live per la prima volta nel dicembre 1983 all'Electric Ballroom di Londra. Spesso dal vivo veniva usata come bis ed aveva una lunga durata, fino a 15 minuti. Pete Burns (Dead or Alive) una volta si unì a Morrissey durante un concerto alla Royal Albert Hall di Londra per cantare una versione duettata.

Il testo all'epoca della sua composizione e durante i concerti conteneva alcune digressioni e modifiche rispetto alla sua forma definitiva. Ecco alcuni dei versi tagliati: 'A crack in the groin is what you get, because you never asked me', 'A crack on the head, a warp of your mind, I've always been such a decent lad!', 'I don't know what came over me today!', 'I am the man to keep you in place'. La versione live eseguita a Londra il 19 dicembre 1983 presentava queste parole dopo le prime due strofe di base:

A crack on the head is what you get
A crack on the head is what you get
for never asking, never asking
A crack on the head that's what you get
because you never ask
And a crack in the groin is what you get
and more

A crack on the head is what you get
because you never ask me
A crack on the head is what you get
because you ask me anything
A crack on your head
A warp on your mind

I've always been such a decent lad
I've always been such a decent lad
I've always been such a decent lad
I don't know what came over me today
I've always been such a decent lad

A crack on the head is what you get
Why for asking
A crack on the head is what you get
Why for asking

Unruly boys
who will not grow up
must be taken in hand
Unruly girls
who will not settle down
they must be taken in hand
Unruly boys
who will not grow up
they must be taken in hand

I am the man, I am the man
I am the man, I am the man
I am the man to keep you in place
I am the man you need to keep you in place
Unruly boys, unruly girls
I'm your man
I am your man...